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10 Laws To Discover The Power Of Your Influence

You can have it all if you just convince others to see that your interests are theirs. Follow these ten laws, and you’ll find that you’ve always had the power in you.



During your professional coaching and personal life, you will realize that the power of your influence to help others can become one of your most treasured skills.
Empower Your Influence: 10 Laws to Transform Your Impact

One of the qualities that a human being has is the ability to influence something or someone. Even if there is no such intention, everyone influences someone else; for example, parents in their children, salespeople in clients, managers in their employees; one friend influences another friend, and so on.

During your professional and personal life, you will realize that the power of your influence to help others can become one of your most treasured skills.

We all have to learn to influence others to be successful. From family to work or our business, influencing our partner, children, suppliers, bosses, employees is key and necessary to achieve our goals.

Unfortunately, our power of influence is usually as strong as the coffee you get at a gas station. It is not a skill we learn at school or from sleep-deprived parents who prefer to take the easy shortcut from: “because I said so” to “here it is and why this is best for you.”

If you need help getting people to like your Facebook page, now you know why. There are key aspects that, by developing them, will increase your power of influence considerably.

Influence is a skill that can be learned. At the end of it all, what is a leader? A person capable of influencing another. Nothing more. Nothing less. That’s why I encourage you to apply these ten laws and open a direct path to lead you to your best life.

10 Essential Laws to Harness the Power of Your Influence

Unlocking the power of your influence is not just a matter of chance or charisma; it’s a deliberate practice grounded in understanding and applying fundamental principles.

These principles, distilled into 10 essential laws, provide a roadmap for anyone, regardless of their current level of influence, looking to harness their influence effectively.

Whether aiming to persuade others, lead teams, or impact change in your community, mastering these laws can empower you to navigate complex social dynamics confidently and purposefully.
Join us as we explore each law and uncover how you can leverage it to discover and maximize the power of your influence.

Law No. 1: Define what you want

“You cannot reach a target that you cannot see, and you cannot see a target that you do not have.” —Zig Ziglar.

The first law of cultivating influence is that you must know precisely what you want the other person to do. This may seem like an undeniable thing to do, but many walk exactly through this step without realizing it.

Have you ever complained to your partner about your working hours? What you’re probably saying is, “Hey, love me more, look at me more, damn it.” Or have you discussed with your close friends how much your partner spends on clothes or coffee?

I bet you really want the feeling of security that comes with saving a few dollars for your monthly rent. We try to influence hundreds of situations every day, and when we accidentally get what we really want, we wonder why we are still unhappy.

Have you ever gotten the promotion or raise you wanted, only to find out that what you wanted was a few more days of vacation each year, or just a little more recognition from your boss?

Without exception, everything we do or fail to do in life is ultimately aimed at achieving some feeling, something that gives us security, enthusiasm, love, etc.

So start by defining how you want to feel and then activate the power of your influence.

Law # 2: Listen first

“The change happens by listening and starting a dialogue with people who are doing something that you think is not right.” —Jane Goodall

Once you know what you really want, it’s time to pursue that goal with a strategy more akin to guiding a sailboat than driving a freight train loaded with angry bulls.

Slow down and approach with finesse. You can achieve everything you desire, but not with a bulldozer approach.

Children may cry and fuss over a shiny toy they desire, but adept influencers exercise patience and begin by asking their counterparts insightful questions.

Sometimes, direct inquiries are necessary, such as, “What can I do to convince you to buy this new car?” However, more often, subtle and open-ended inquiries yield better results: “What projects are currently occupying your attention?”

When you genuinely listen to your partner or colleague, they are more inclined to reciprocate. Tuning into their needs and feelings creates a conducive environment where they are more likely to listen attentively to you.

Active listening not only fosters receptivity but also helps you understand what drives a person. Armed with this understanding, you can negotiate mutually beneficial agreements (refer to Law 8).

Show genuine interest in people. Approach conversations with enthusiasm, ask meaningful questions, and demonstrate a sincere desire to be of service. By doing so, you harness the power of your influence to amplify your impact significantly.

Law No. 3: Tell stories

“The human species thinks through metaphors and learns through stories.” —Mary Catherine Bateson

If you follow politics, you’ll notice that during every election campaign, candidates inundate you with promises like, “Vote for me, and we’ll double school funding, increase police presence by 10%, finance local museums, and so on.”

I find myself tuning out from these messages because they rely on logic, statistics, and facts that often fail to resonate with most people.
Despite our self-perception as rational beings, the reality is that it’s our emotions that truly spur us into action. This is where the true power of storytelling lies, in its ability to tap into these emotions and drive us to act.

Stories, not dry reports, possess a unique power to stir empathy within us, compelling us to act. Narratives have been a constant across history and cultures, tapping into our innate propensity to tell and listen to stories, thereby fostering a deeper connection with our shared humanity.

Consider these two approaches:

“620,000 people worldwide have died from COVID-19, emphasizing the importance of wearing masks.”
“Yesterday, a 3-month-old girl tragically lost her life to the virus. Now, her grieving parents are advocating for mask-wearing among children.”

Stories, like the second example, have a profound impact on us because they speak directly to our humanity. They resonate with our compassion, our sense of justice, and our innate desire to protect others. This is a connection that cold, hard facts simply cannot create.

Master the art of storytelling, and you’ll wield what the ancient Greeks termed Pathos—an ability to harness emotion to move your audience. You can ignite enthusiasm, spark empathy, and drive meaningful action by crafting compelling narratives that resonate deeply with your listeners.

Law 4: Become an authority

“Leadership is influence, nothing more and nothing less.” —John C. Maxwell

Are you more likely to cooperate if a doctor says, “Take it, take this medicine, and you will heal quickly,” or if a stranger does?

Would you be more likely to change lanes on the highway if a police car or a smart car were flashing its lights behind you?

We tend to be more receptive to someone we perceive as an authority; And you don’t have to wear a uniform to influence others (although that certainly helps).

A recent study demonstrated that real estate agents could boost their business by up to 15% simply by having a receptionist highlight the agent’s credentials before connecting the client to them.

These strategies are not just theoretical. They are practical and can be implemented by showcasing testimonials on your website or marketing materials, displaying your degrees prominently in your office, or securing endorsements from influential figures.

You can exude confidence through your speech and attire, even without formal authority.

One of the most powerful ways to enhance your credibility is to have others advocate for your strengths publicly. This can be more effective than self-promotion, as it shows that your credibility is recognized by others.

Uncover the potential of your influence to bolster your authority and credibility, empowering you to more effectively achieve your desired outcomes.

Law # 5: Be cool

“This is the law of sympathy: the real I am the best.” —Michelle Tiles Lederman

Dr. Robert Ciladinha, a dedicated researcher in the field of influence, has uncovered a transformative truth. He found that sympathy, when harnessed effectively, can be a powerful tool in cultivating your influence, empowering you to connect with others on a deeper level.

It’s a universal truth that we are naturally drawn to those who mirror our own experiences and values. We gravitate towards individuals who radiate a certain magnetism, uplifting us and making us feel understood.

Have you ever admired a stranger and thought, “They are imposing!”? Chances are, you recognize qualities in them that resonate with your own.

But what if you’re a Rolling Stones fan trying to sway a Beatles enthusiast?

Fortunately, there are practical strategies you can employ to become more appealing to those you seek to influence. These strategies, when applied effectively, can significantly enhance your influence.

According to Ciladinha, offering genuine compliments is one of the simplest methods.

When offering compliments, it’s crucial to be genuine. Authenticity is key, as insincerity can be easily detected and can undermine your efforts. By offering sincere compliments, you show respect and build trust with those you seek to influence.

Engaging in small talk is also effective. Successful salespeople often initiate conversations by asking insightful questions about your family, occupation, and interests to establish common ground rather than engaging in superficial banter.

In a series of negotiation studies, one group focused solely on the negotiation topic, with about half reaching an agreement. The other group first exchanged personal information, achieving a remarkable 90% success rate.

This underscores the importance of fostering likability; your influence potential significantly increases when people genuinely like you. Embrace the power of your influence by cultivating genuine connections and understanding with others.

Law # 6: Create scarcity

“Praise, like gold and diamonds, owes its value only to its scarcity.” —Samuel Johnson

A Nobel Prize winner, Daniel Kahneman, demonstrated that humans are less rational than commonly assumed. His research highlighted our tendency to prioritize avoiding losses over pursuing calculated risks.

This inclination often leads us to settle for a job or relationship that we deem “not bad” rather than risk change. We justify our decisions with thoughts like, “Things could be worse, right?” Similarly, when faced with a declining stock, we’re inclined to sell rather than adopt a rational approach of buying more.

Moreover, scarcity exerts a powerful influence on us; the fear of missing out drives us to act swiftly. Job offers with deadlines or limited quantities effectively capitalize on this fear, maintaining their potency even into the future.

To enhance the power of your influence, illustrate to others what they stand to lose by not cooperating with you. Highlighting potential losses can motivate them to align with your objectives.

Law No. 7: Appeal to Reason

“The only way on Earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to achieve it.” -Dale Carnegie

Humans rarely achieve the level of Dr. Spock’s logic, but we can undoubtedly reason. In his adventures, even Captain Kirk found solutions without relying solely on phasers or physical force.

Both ancient Greek philosophers and Starfleet understood the power of your influence through logos, or reasoned argument, to sway human minds. Logos, in this context, refers to the use of logic, facts, and evidence to support your argument, making it more persuasive and compelling.

The term ‘argument’ originates from the idea of presenting reasons. However, this shouldn’t evoke images of heated disputes on the street; argumentation is fundamentally about giving logical reasons. It’s a skill that we all possess and can develop, making it a universal tool for communication and persuasion.

Effective arguments involve presenting compelling reasons for someone to align with your desires, even if they or others have solid reasons for opposing it.

Reasoning can be practical even when the person you’re influencing initially lacks the motivation to act as you suggest. This is evident in political voting behavior, where people may vote for a particular party simply to prevent another from winning. It’s a skill that can be applied in various contexts, making it a valuable tool in your communication arsenal.

Engaging in discussions is a skill that improves with practice in daily interactions or through participation in public speaking groups like Toastmasters.

While emotion often surpasses reason in driving lasting change, reasoned argument remains a potent tool for achieving short-term actions. It’s important to note that emotion can enhance the effectiveness of reasoned argumentation, but it should not replace it. Mastering the power of your influence through practical reasoning can significantly enhance your ability to sway opinions and guide decisions.

Law # 8: Keep reciprocity in mind

“You can have everything you want in life if you just help other people get what they want.” —Zig Ziglar

If you don’t get what you want through emotional appeals, reasoning or just being kind, there’s always a bribe available!

No, it’s not true, I’m just kidding, more or less, but the saying “you scratch my back and I scratch yours” persists for a reason.

We all want to know, “What do I get out of this?” Therefore, appealing to the most basic personal interests of others can be a very motivating reason.

The Law of Reciprocity requires that we pay someone for the kindness he has done for us, even if it exceeds our generosity!

That’s why free samples and paying for your boyfriend’s dinner are a reward.

Cialdini discovered this game in his research, which is why he showed that a customer’s tips increase by up to 23% if the waiter delivers some candies along with the bill.

To increase your influence to the extent you want, you can start by accumulating favours.

Help people reach their goals without asking for anything in advance and then redeem your chips.

You can quickly understand what people want by practicing Law # 2: Listen first.

Just keep the following in mind: once you start encouraging people, they will always expect a reward from you. Use this influence tactic sparingly.

Law # 9: Encourage consistency

“We all deceive ourselves from time to time to keep our thoughts and beliefs consistent with what we’ve already done or decided.” -Dr. Robert Cialdini

The flip-flopper has a special place of disdain in our minds. The person who says one thing on Monday and then does another on Tuesday puts a bitter taste in his mouth.

When it comes to our behaviour, we have to do all kinds of somersaults to look consistent.

People who are effective influencers, especially digital marketers, know this very well.

That’s why they make you say “yes” at the beginning of a conversation with innocent questions and avoid questions that can lead to a “no” at all costs.

“When you say ‘no’, all the pride in your personality requires you to be very consistent with yourself,” writes Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

That is why it is recommended that you start looking for small yes or small commitments, and this will allow you to be more successful when requesting other more extensive agreements later.

You can also promote consistency by having your prospect write their appointment on a piece of paper or make it public (you can try this tactic for your purposes, responsibility works!).

A doctor’s office conducted studies that allowed him to discover that he could reduce missed appointments by 18 percent if all patients wrote their appointment cards at the previous check-up, since writing them before represents a more concrete commitment in our brain.

Give people a chance to show their consistency, and their influence will increase.

Law No. 10: Build consensus

“The example is not the main one to influence others. That is the only thing.”—Albert Schweitzer

We try to be consistent not only with ourselves but also with others.

Peer pressure is part of all high school experiences, but a study by British drinkers showed that it also affects adults.

Those who drank little or no alcohol got drunk when other pubgoers urged them on.

Human evolution has favoured social groups over lone wolves. That genetic spin is at stake today in Black Friday hysteria, dressing like your colleagues, even with your strongest political beliefs.

If you can take advantage of this imperative need for harmony, you can be very influential, and, in some cases, you can even convince people to act against their desires (but let’s use that power forever, okay?)

Let’s say you are trying to convince your boss with technical challenges to endorse your proposal for a paperless office.

You are more likely to go digital if you first build a coalition with all your colleagues and then give the manager that unanimity.

This effect is also called “herd” or “herd mentality” and was recently illustrated by an advanced study at the University of Leeds.

The researchers made several groups of people walk around a large room at random.

The impact? Five percent of the participants were instructed to follow a particular path. In a short time, the other 95% were following the same path without knowing why.

Success in life means getting what you want, at least most of the time. And no one, not even the most talented individual, can do it alone.

We depend on third parties, either to buy our product or to give us a job.

Many people are subjected to a series of weak arguments, coercion, pleading, scolding, or even tantrums to influence others, which is why many people still don’t have what they want.

The influence says: You can have it all if you just convince others to see that your interests are theirs. Follow these ten laws, and you’ll find that you’ve always had the power in you.